Therapy can be a radically life changing experience. As a part of entering the therapy relationship, it is helpful for you to understand a bit about the process you are considering entering into. Therapy typically follows these phases:

Earning your Trust
A safe emotional environment is essential for understanding and growth. In this phase I am getting to know your history as well as understand what has brought you to seek my help. I will help you define goals that feel important to you.

Delving Deeper
As you open up and explain to me your life experiences and struggles; I help you recognize things that are outside of your awareness and that are keeping you from living a more meaningful and connected life. This can be a difficult process as you begin to see things about yourself and your life that you did not recognize before. You may find yourself resisting the process and having anxiety before sessions. As a part of therapy I invite you to share these feelings with me.

Feeling Lost
As you go through this psychological transition you begin to see yourself and your life differently, you may even think therapy is making you worse. As you feel more sad, scared, or anxious than you did before you came to therapy. It is important to know that things often get worse before they get better. I remain with you as you let go of thoughts, habits, perceptions, people, or whatever is keeping you stuck.

Redefining Yourself
As you recognize what doesn’t work for you and allow yourself to grieve these ways of coping with life, your perceptions change and you can better understand yourself and your life in a new way. This frees you to see what is available to you and learn how to draw on resources within you and around you that help you move through difficult experiences with greater meaning and intention.

Keeping it up!
Having taken healthy risks inside and outside of therapy to build better support for yourself helps you cope with life in healthier ways leaving less need for the old hurtful ways of coping with life stressors. To maintain your health, you will continue to seek self-understanding by turning inward and by recruiting the help of your mate, friends, or family. At this point we begin the goodbye process. The longer you are in therapy the longer it will take to say goodbye to me. This may be the first time you will have the opportunity to experience transition in a positive supportive way. I generally leave the door open for any future support you may need from me. I look forward to you reaching this point and celebrating your growth with you!

*If during any part of this process you feel like I am not understanding you or you feel uncomfortable with my feedback, I invite you to discuss this with me so I may best help you. I will occasionally check in with you along the way about how the process is going and if you are feeling directed toward your goals.

Growing up in a chaotic home with a violent alcoholic father, Tammy had a difficult time making sense of life around her. She strove to not feel overwhelmed and confused on a continual basis. As a girl she felt very sad and alone, with no one to turn to. At the age of 10 Tammy began to write in a journal. Her journal provided a home for all the sadness and anxiety she held inside. Within her journal she found a place to give voice to what seemed like no one around her could hear.

Like Tammy, you too have a voice and you too have a story to tell. Decisions you make every day are influenced by the story you tell yourself about who you are and your life experiences. Most people are fairly unaware of the meaning they make of their own lives and how this causes them to react to what they experience. The less you know about who you are and what you believe, the less control you have over your life. Part of what I help people in therapy do is find their voice so they may make more deliberate decisions that reflect who they truly are and desire to be.

Journaling is a powerful and effective way to explore your deeper self. There are a number of benefits to journaling:

~Journaling can help you develop a more intimate relationship with yourself.

~Journaling  can help you understand your emotions and gives your feelings context & meaning.

~Journaling can help clarify the reality of your circumstances & events actually feel more real to you.

~Journaling  can help you identify what matters most to you.

~Journaling is a free alternative to other forms of self-care.

Below is a list journaling options you may use in your personal time:

~Letter Writing- You write to a person, place, or thing to which you have a
relationship. (This may include: yourself, a substance, an object, an emotion, a behavior, or whatever seems important to you).

~Memory Writing-this may include specialized time lines or narratives that help
you investigate & remember important life events.

~Transition Writing- While transitioning or suffering from a loss you can write
about the experience as you are feeling the effects of the loss as they are happening.

~Free Writing- Write whatever comes to your mind without judging yourself or
being concern about others judging you.

~Lists- Lists allow you to quickly identify and address important information that might otherwise be difficult to identify.

Making sense and meaning of your life is vital for living with intention. Whether or not you take the time to listen, your life experiences will guide you. When you actually take the time to tune in to a deeper understanding of yourself, you open the door to hear what your life is telling you, only then can you decide what you want your life to say. As you think about your life story now, what would you like it to say?

“My skepticism about counseling vanished as I found even on my first visit that Crystal was a personable and knowledgeable counselor who really did understand what I was dealing with.  She quickly helped me identify many of the deeper related reasons for my behavior and attitudes and gave me tools to make my life manageable.  Now, only a few months later, I’m experiencing more freedom than ever before.  Pornography has lost its grip on me, much of my anger has been defused, my wife and I are communicating better than ever before and my life feels meaningful again. Seeing Crystal was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”
- K. D.

The best moments in life are those most difficult to describe in words. They are the moments you feel deeply heard and understood by another. I can recall a recent moment between good friends. Hanna & Colleen were part of a foursome in college who became a closely knit family. For ten years they cared for each other in ways that their own families had failed them. Hanna recently became engaged and realized that she could not be as close to these friends as she once had. After a trip they had taken together, Hanna described to Colleen that she was feeling a bit left out and that she felt pulled between wanting to be close to her fiancé and wanting to remain as close to their friends as she had always been.

Hanna spoke with caution, unsure of how Colleen would respond to her feelings. I noticed how her words trembled a bit and she would say things like, “I am not mentioning this to hurt you, I just want you to know how I am feeling.” Colleen, with a tender, unbroken gaze, listened patiently not interrupting nor defending herself. As Hanna continued to explain her experience she fumbled over her words struggling to get her message out. When she finally finished she took a deep breath. With one simple and gentle sentence Colleen said, “Don’t worry Hanna; you are not going to lose us.” Hanna’s eyes immediately filled with tears. She realized what she had been trying to say was, “I’m scared to lose you.” Colleen not only heard the words that Hanna spoke; she heard what Hanna was unable to express in words, she heard the deep longings of Hanna’s heart.

What is it about people like Colleen who add such healing qualities to their relationships? As I reflect on that conversation, I realize that Colleen could be with Hanna in her pain, because she recognized that same pain in herself and had tended to it.

The following 6 qualities will help you too, listen with an open heart:

• Don’t run from your pain - Embrace your pain, allow it to teach you
• Remain open and nonjudgmental - Remember that we all have different understandings of our experiences
• Be with the person, don’t fix them - Allow the person to experience and express difficult emotions
• Affirm how the other person feels - Notice the person’s emotions, express what you notice
• Stay Connected not reactive - Ask yourself, “What does this person really need from me right now?”
• Ask open-ended questions -Open ended questions help you know the person’s intentions and gain details.

When we genuinely listen to others, they experience our care as enlivening and empowering them.  Growth comes from having someone hear the most vital parts of you are. This allows you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationships. Just as Hanna discovered her deeper longings and felt more connected to Colleen, you also can live with greater awareness deepening your relationships. Consider someone in your life who you’d like to hear more fully.